On this day I can truly say that God has delivered me from the darkest fog that covered my life. I had prayed and prayed and prayed asking for answers and I received all of them after waiting patiently on Him. He prepared me for this day. He has provided closure to all of the openings and gaps in my heart, I'm forever thankful. I'm so happy I can pee silly string!!!
Next step is moving on without spitefully doing so. I couldn't move on til I had closure.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Frenemies?
I expect mood swings from a woman, but a man.........that's a female trait. Here one day gone the next. Guess I will go back to not caring if you exist. It was so much easier that way.
I'm guessing you want me to chase you, nah I'm too cute and to good of a woman for that. Thought being friends with you would be cool, but uh I guess I thought wrong. If this is how we treat friends, I don't want any parts of it.
I'm guessing you want me to chase you, nah I'm too cute and to good of a woman for that. Thought being friends with you would be cool, but uh I guess I thought wrong. If this is how we treat friends, I don't want any parts of it.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
God
God has been proven to be on time regardless the circumstance. I urge everyone to try Him. I give all praises and thanks to Him. He is still working on me :)
Monday, July 19, 2010
To my soon to be one year old
Dear My Little Patat,
I cannot believe it's almost been a year since you were born. So small at birth, you were. Look at you now, you went from 3 lbs to 20 lbs in less than a year.
Not a day has gone by that you haven't brought a smile to my face. Even my deepest darkest days and nights, you were there to comfort me to let me know "Mommy I'm okay, you're doing a wondeful job". I would watch you as you sleep for hours, until your slumber finally became contagious making me fall into a deep slumber.
I'd do anything for you, and give you anything.
Looking at you is like looking in the mirror at a male version of myself. All the way from the facial expressions down to the laugh and the way we bat our eyes.
I thank God daily for bringing you to me, and I pray that we will forever be in each other's lives.
Many have come and gone in and out of our lives just in the short time that you have been here. My promise to you is that I will never leave. As long as I have breath in my body and God allows me to be, I will be here for you every step of the way. I want to be everything to you that my mother was not. Although you don't have a father figure, I look to God to assist me with that. I just hope I'm doing my best playing both parts. I used to think that it was unfair that I have to raise you alone. I understand now that God does everything for a reason. It's matured me even more and the struggle makes me appreciate life that much more.
I cannot tell you enough how much I love you and wish nothing but the best for you. I've been here for every last milestone that you have encountered in a year and plan on being there until the end of time.
You are very special to me, and I promise to not purposefully allow any hurt harm or danger to come your way.
Love Always,
Mommy
I cannot believe it's almost been a year since you were born. So small at birth, you were. Look at you now, you went from 3 lbs to 20 lbs in less than a year.
Not a day has gone by that you haven't brought a smile to my face. Even my deepest darkest days and nights, you were there to comfort me to let me know "Mommy I'm okay, you're doing a wondeful job". I would watch you as you sleep for hours, until your slumber finally became contagious making me fall into a deep slumber.
I'd do anything for you, and give you anything.
Looking at you is like looking in the mirror at a male version of myself. All the way from the facial expressions down to the laugh and the way we bat our eyes.
I thank God daily for bringing you to me, and I pray that we will forever be in each other's lives.
Many have come and gone in and out of our lives just in the short time that you have been here. My promise to you is that I will never leave. As long as I have breath in my body and God allows me to be, I will be here for you every step of the way. I want to be everything to you that my mother was not. Although you don't have a father figure, I look to God to assist me with that. I just hope I'm doing my best playing both parts. I used to think that it was unfair that I have to raise you alone. I understand now that God does everything for a reason. It's matured me even more and the struggle makes me appreciate life that much more.
I cannot tell you enough how much I love you and wish nothing but the best for you. I've been here for every last milestone that you have encountered in a year and plan on being there until the end of time.
You are very special to me, and I promise to not purposefully allow any hurt harm or danger to come your way.
Love Always,
Mommy
All of His Exes Are "Crazy"
Be wary of a man who refers to his former girlfriends as crazy, psycho, or clingy — because what's the common denominator here? Him. The dude's either crazy or he never really wanted the relationship to work in the first place.
#Confession
I have an addictive personality. When I get something good I have a hard time letting it go and when it goes bad I want to make it right just that I can have that good thing again. When I'm without it I tend to need it more.....
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Photographs
"Here's a little story I've gotta tell Bout this boy I know so well Back in the day was cool and all Fell in love, I fell in love Thought he was the one for me Other boys I could not see And look what happened to our love I'm like how could it be? It should have been me and you It could have been you and me Boy you broke my heart and now I'm standing there It should have been me and you It could have been you and me Now all I got are these photographs All I've got, all I've got All I've got are these photographs All I've got, all I've got Is nothing without you, you, you Got nothing without you, you, you Got nothing without you"
I remember a time when I could only see myself as Mrs. You.....I've dreamed about it countless nights. Over the course of time a lot has changed, myself included. Sometimes I wonder if I've outgrown you, as much as I would like to grow old with you. In my mind, you are the perfect man, rather it be for someone else or for me in the far future who knows. You may not care what I think or how I feel, but my feelings haven't changed since the day we met, especially not since you stood beside me instead of behind me.
Things happened on both of our ends to cause us to end in destruction, but for some reason we keep finding each other. Not sure if you keep running into your past like that , but you are the only one in my past that I run into like this. I kinda feel like I keep making attempts to communicate with you. Maybe so......so maybe it's not just by chance that we keep running into each other, it's because I keep initiating it. I try and wait until I know that I am over you before I make contact and as soon as I develop feelings I draw away and disappear again. Revolving cycle.
So of course here I am developing feelings again.......but not as strong as before. What's funny is that I want to relearn you all over again and learn to love you like I did before but stronger to not allow me to make the same mistakes that I made in the past. With time we shall see where things go.
I've debated getting the tattoo covered and have finally come to the conclusion that I am not. I made a decision to get it and I am not ashamed of what it represents. It doesn't matter if "we" are never again, I hold you close to my heart.
I want the both of us to be happy regardless of who its with or without. We've both endured a lot and I think we deserve happiness regardless of the form that it comes in. I will probably not be able to love anyone like I loved you but then again who knows, maybe I will. Only we can determine what's in our future by what we do in the present. So now that that's out in the open, I can free my heart of the icebox that it once resided in.
"All I got are these photographs.....nothing without you"
I remember a time when I could only see myself as Mrs. You.....I've dreamed about it countless nights. Over the course of time a lot has changed, myself included. Sometimes I wonder if I've outgrown you, as much as I would like to grow old with you. In my mind, you are the perfect man, rather it be for someone else or for me in the far future who knows. You may not care what I think or how I feel, but my feelings haven't changed since the day we met, especially not since you stood beside me instead of behind me.
Things happened on both of our ends to cause us to end in destruction, but for some reason we keep finding each other. Not sure if you keep running into your past like that , but you are the only one in my past that I run into like this. I kinda feel like I keep making attempts to communicate with you. Maybe so......so maybe it's not just by chance that we keep running into each other, it's because I keep initiating it. I try and wait until I know that I am over you before I make contact and as soon as I develop feelings I draw away and disappear again. Revolving cycle.
So of course here I am developing feelings again.......but not as strong as before. What's funny is that I want to relearn you all over again and learn to love you like I did before but stronger to not allow me to make the same mistakes that I made in the past. With time we shall see where things go.
I've debated getting the tattoo covered and have finally come to the conclusion that I am not. I made a decision to get it and I am not ashamed of what it represents. It doesn't matter if "we" are never again, I hold you close to my heart.
I want the both of us to be happy regardless of who its with or without. We've both endured a lot and I think we deserve happiness regardless of the form that it comes in. I will probably not be able to love anyone like I loved you but then again who knows, maybe I will. Only we can determine what's in our future by what we do in the present. So now that that's out in the open, I can free my heart of the icebox that it once resided in.
"All I got are these photographs.....nothing without you"
Friday, July 9, 2010
Seasons and Reasons
Ever wonder why people come in and out of your life? I used to wonder that for the longest until I asked God, the answerer of all questions. People are in our lives for seasons and for different reasons. We can spend a lifetime wondering why someone had to leave so soon, or why someone hasn't realized they have overstayed their welcome. I personally believe that there is a lesson behind every relationship/person that we encounter. Whether its revealed in this lifetime or remains a mystery only our Maker can determine that.
Over the past couple of years I've had people to come and go in my life, and I've passed thru people's lives as well. I try and take the lesson along with me if I understand the purpose. If not, I just thank God for allowing me to meet another person, and ask if it is His will that I see the purpose of it.
The funniest passer-thru's are those that we tend to cling to and they are only here for a reason. I met someone just last year that was here for a reason. I've learned over time that there is a difference between reasons and seasons. A reason that I care not to elaborate on because I just grasped the fact that it wasn't a season even though I wanted to keep them here for an eternity, it wasn't Gods design. I must have beat myself up a thousand times over and over trying to figure out why they couldn't remain. Once I gave it to God, the weight was lifted (which seemed like an eternity). And I can say that God has brought me a mighty long way from where I was when that person was exiting my life.
I give all praises to God who has shown me multiple times that nothing is impossible with him. When He says "no" its to my benefit in the long run, no matter how much I want it and feel I need it right then. God knows best, and I'm very thankful to have him as my Father.
Easily I could have decided to never wanna love anyone again based solely upon that relationship, but the love that I receive from God makes me want to love again :) and I'm sure I will.
Over the past couple of years I've had people to come and go in my life, and I've passed thru people's lives as well. I try and take the lesson along with me if I understand the purpose. If not, I just thank God for allowing me to meet another person, and ask if it is His will that I see the purpose of it.
The funniest passer-thru's are those that we tend to cling to and they are only here for a reason. I met someone just last year that was here for a reason. I've learned over time that there is a difference between reasons and seasons. A reason that I care not to elaborate on because I just grasped the fact that it wasn't a season even though I wanted to keep them here for an eternity, it wasn't Gods design. I must have beat myself up a thousand times over and over trying to figure out why they couldn't remain. Once I gave it to God, the weight was lifted (which seemed like an eternity). And I can say that God has brought me a mighty long way from where I was when that person was exiting my life.
I give all praises to God who has shown me multiple times that nothing is impossible with him. When He says "no" its to my benefit in the long run, no matter how much I want it and feel I need it right then. God knows best, and I'm very thankful to have him as my Father.
Easily I could have decided to never wanna love anyone again based solely upon that relationship, but the love that I receive from God makes me want to love again :) and I'm sure I will.
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